


Mistaken Mistlefoe

by Gothams_Only_Wolf



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Dirge of Cerberus: Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII
Genre: 5 Times, Canon-Typical Violence, Drunken Shenanigans, FF7 Gaia Santa 2018, M/M, Mistletoe, Office Party
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 00:39:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17152034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gothams_Only_Wolf/pseuds/Gothams_Only_Wolf
Summary: Mistletoe has a different meaning in Nibelheim; someone forgot to tell Cloud that not everywhere is the same.Five times Cloud punched someone under the mistletoe and the one time he didn't





	Mistaken Mistlefoe

**Author's Note:**

  * For [makoheadrush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/makoheadrush/gifts).



> I gotta say that I love getting Drunk Shenanigans/parties gone wrong prompts so much. They always crack me up! 
> 
> Enjoy~

* * *

Cloud had been invited to exactly five ShinRa parties before this one. 

At each one, he'd been forced to punch someone leaning in for a kiss under mistletoe.

* * *

**I.**

* * *

The first had been when he was still a Cadet and still not used to Eastern traditions. 

Another Cadet had invited him along to a bar in Midgar, saying he wanted to hang out with him. 

The party itself was pretty tame, someone spiking the eggnog with shitty, Grade-A slums sludge. 

Cloud had been drinking the alcoholic version of real, _proper_ eggnog right before he'd left Nibelheim. 

They were essentially offering him slums sludge with a side order of shitty eggnog. He refused to drink it on principle. 

"Heeeey, buddy!" Cloud rose a brow at the Infantry Corporal trying to say hello. "Is that mistletoe?" 

He looked up in sheer horror. 

Sure enough, the white traitorous berries stood out starkly against the dark wooden frame. 

"I don't want a fight." He warned. 

"Not a fight," came the woozy answer. "Wanna schmo-"

**-THWACK!-**

"No thank you."

The Corporal went down like an avalanche.

* * *

Cloud refused to explain when the mistletoe was held up as evidence, only growled when it came close to him. 

No one explained _why_ the Corporal had gone in for a kiss when mistletoe was _clearly_ for fighting.

* * *

**II.**

* * *

The second had been to an Infantry party, Cloud recently promoted to Sargeant and happy enough to dance. 

Sweaty and carefree as he'd been, Cloud didn't spot the hated white berries until he was cornered by a delighted-looking Specialist in the doorway.

He tried to wriggle away from the enthusiastic subordinate. 

"Sarge, didn't know you swung that way!" 

"Specialist, I don't want a fight." 

"Not a fight, Sarge. I just wanna be sweet on ya." 

"No." 

This one went down like a block of concrete, a heavy thud ruining the mood as Cloud stood over the Specialist with his fist covered in blood.

* * *

They demoted him, put a note in his file to keep him away from mistletoe during the winter season and _still didn't explain_ why someone had wanted a kiss.

* * *

**III.**

* * *

Zack invited him to the SOLDIER party for Second Classes. 

He was also the only person to ask, "Hey, Spike, why do you punch people under mistletoe?" 

"In Nibelheim, it's the downfall of our Patron God, Fenrir. He's a Beast of War and it a symbol of peace. Fire an arrow wrapped in it and it will kill him." Cloud explained, sipping at the slightly less shitty eggnog and slightly better alcohol. "So we punch people under it." 

"Huh." Zack shrugged. "Guess it's different there." 

"You have _no_ idea how many people I've had to punch. Please tell me we can get eggs here. I'm so tired of shitty eggnog, Zack. I can make it way better and ten times more appealing than this." Cloud complained as he swirled his drink. 

There was mistletoe at each entrance. Zack stole all of them and dumped them in the trash can. 

A SOLDIER held up one right in front of Zack and Cloud, out of sheer habit by now, punched him in the face.

"Zack doesn't want kisses." 

"Ow, fuck! Fair, control your rabid Infantry friend." 

"Sorry!" Zack chirruped. "He'll heal up just fine, Spike. Don't worry about getting reported this time."

* * *

**IV.**

The Turks, in the aftermath of Meteor and Deepground, threw one hell of a party. They even let him make the spiked eggnog, done to perfection and enough to get even him a little tipsy if he didn't eat too many crackers.

One of the new recruits tried to back Cloud against a doorway and he abruptly switched positions with that recruit, leaving him standing under it. 

"Better move if you don't want to get punched." He told him politely. 

"Crazy SOLDIER!" the recruit barked as he leaned forward. 

"I don't want to fight." 

"What if I wanna get rough—" 

He pulled back his strength but still came away with a bloody glove and a passed out Turk. "Still hate the damned stuff."

* * *

**V.**

Reno invited him to the next Turk party, citing his eggnog as the reason he'd been invited back.

"Can't punch people though," Reno told him. "Which was fucking hilarious, yo. He'd been hitting on people all night when you punched him." 

"I didn't do it because of that." 

"Why?" 

"He tried to corner me against the mistletoe. Bastard." 

"Eh, Boss didn't like him either. He's Blugu food for sure by now." Cloud halted in front of the door, silently staring down the damning mistletoe. "What, not a fan of the stuff?" 

"You could say that." 

"Here, I'll get it down for you. Can't have the eggnog maker pissed off, yo." The shark grin Reno wore meant mischief around the corner and sure enough, Reno dangled it above his own head. 

"Get that away from me, Reno. You won't like the results." Cloud growled. 

Three, two—

**—CRUNCH!—**

"Ow! By bose!"

"Put down the mistletoe and I can fix that." He offered. 

Reno tossed it to the side and Cloud used a flicker of a Cura to straighten out Reno's nose. "Why the fuck would you punch me?" 

"Mistletoe... doesn't have the same meaning in my hometown." He admitted with a sheepish shrug. "It's essentially a declaration of a fight." 

"Oh. _OH._ Shiva's tits, no wonder your records were fucking full of incidents like this, yo. Did... Did no one tell you what the East does?" Reno asked him, his expression one of shock. 

"No, only that people kept trying to kiss me under it." 

"We kiss. It's a symbol of peace so we are peaceful under it." came the explaination. 

"... They weren't trying to start fights." The realization, a little too late, hit him. 

"More like get in your pants, yo." 

"... Ah."

* * *

**+I.**

* * *

"So, come here often?" Reno's drawl had Cloud chuckling. 

"Not as often as the Turks might want." he countered. 

"So now that you know what we do, are you curious?" Reno pointed out the only free hunk of white berries. "I'm sure Shotgun would oblige..." 

"What if I'm not interested in Shotgun?" Cloud teased. 

"I mean," Reno fumbled there. 

"Can I try it with you?" The jump in heart-rate had him giving a rare smile. "Just the one." 

"Sure." The lazy shrug hid his nervous body language but not his scent. "If you want."

Cloud moseyed over to the doorway and Reno power-walked. 

"Ready?" 

"As I ever will be." 

Cloud cradled Reno's face, dipping in for a slow, soft kiss that had him purring when Reno melted into his touch. "Crazy Turk." 

"Crazy ex-Infantry." 

"... Wanna do it again?" 

"Who's the luckiest Turk? I am, yo."

**Author's Note:**

> Happy holiday of choice! 
> 
> Comment, complain, ect.


End file.
